moodyelements

2006-05-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

ive been busy doing other stuff. but yea this blog sucks. SO WHAT.
after this week, summer vacation is upon us. three cheers for summer.
i have absolutely nothing planned.

2006-01-28T23:41:00.000-08:00

i lied

i said i was gonna take blogger more seriously.

apparently i havent.

i blame dehydration.

2005-07-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

ha ha...
i love blogger. i really do. i havent traded you in for myspace. the crap i write on myspace is mostly bits of info. but really..blogger is where its happenin'

2005-04-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

im seriously thinking about converting to a mac...everything just looks better.
i ran into raf today...we talked a bit about starting over in life. i dont know everything that has happened to him, but he does look sad all the time.

got to hang out with ian...not sure if hes into me...we're supposed to hang out tuesday, if we dont then its clear that friday was the end of that road.

2005-02-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

god damnit blogger is the shit

actually its ok, im just cussing because im tired and cranky

ive got another hour at work...if i didnt value my hair i wouldve yanked it out in the first hour.

i keep tellin myself "i need the money, i need the money...."

what i really need is to get a new fuckin job

told ya i was cranky

def

Photobucket

2005-01-30T16:06:00.000-08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

2004-12-12T01:45:00.000-08:00

fuckin blogger

i hella typed more and it hella posted without me wanting it to

damnit

well let me finish

i said all that shit about eric because
1)he really hurt my feelings
2)he really hurt my feelings
3)he really hurt my feelings
4)he really hurt my feelings

starting to see a pattern here?

i guess what i meant was that since he hurt my feelings hes a big fucking dick. i didnt mean to suggest he has no game. which is absolutely untrue, even if he thinks it himself.

so yall can shut up now. ok?

now im gonna go stress for finals

1)10 page paper
2) 10 slide ID flashcards
3) take home exam 5 pages
4) journal/project
5) presentation to the class

plus my drug dealer hasnt shown up yet.
damnit....

peace
ladee

2004-12-12T01:38:00.000-08:00

ok i typed all this shit and blogger said server not found?!?!?!?!?!??! JESUS CHRIST

ok ill type it all over again

eric accused me of saying that he has no game

let me explain

eric HAS game
here is eric's game

1)funny
2)confident
3)knows about music
4)can have fun in any situation
5)has a nice ass

2004-11-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

hi

uhhhhh
so i didnt post for the whole month of october?! what a shame! so much happened?!

first- CMJ
awesome awesome awesome. party party party. saw some great bands...the music was the best one. i missed saul williams tho :(
got to hang out at the new jazz at lincoln center with kwami (so cute so cute!) that was way rad...i mean waaaaay
got to play around on the subway.
i DIDNT GET LOST so HAH!
saw some "puppies" aka rats.
our room was literally a condemned shack. but all was well.

second- homework
so much! so much to do!

i recently lost my USB memory chip. in fact im sitting at the same computer. (sigh)
all that work, KAPUT!
my fault though. completely. nobody to blame except for me. people suck =P

krsone came to campus. he ripped it. great show. didnt see jasmine? perhaps she didnt make it? ah well.

this week ive got my lecture series. then i go to berkeley to see kwami (so cute so cute)
then i gotta finish my homework. ....maybe?

oh god the weirdest thing happened. TREVOR called me. i cant believe it. i havent called him back yet. as nicole so astutely pointed out, trevor waited until i wasnt in nyc anymore to call me. i know he did it on purpose. so of course im NOT going to call him back, cause he only called me because he was LONELY, not because he wanted to keep in touch. so HAH! i see right through that bullshit

and oh yeah george bush won the election. so sad. so sad. the worst news, EVER.

randy called last night err this mornin'
god i miss him so much....
hes going to portland on friday.

um...i know theres more but i want to keep myself in suspense.

toodles

peace
susie

2004-09-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

so a guy just walked by holding up his pants by the crotch. thats not hot at all...

me and eric broke it off. actually he was being a fucker so that ended.

long story short he made fun of me...mocked my "obsession" with him...all that and a bag o chips.

that bastard. every time i look at him i just get sad. hes yet to make a formal apology to me in person.

i dont know what the hell his problem is. just because he cant get with the program and has no game doesnt make it my fault?!

its back to square one aka loneliness again. not like me and eric did anything to begin with.

i wonder what CMJ is going to be like. im missing a lot of school for it....i emailed trevor, kwami, and george so see if any one of them want to hang out while im in ny. lets see what happens...as of today trevor (as expected) is the only one who hasnt emailed me back. i have a feeling hes not going to any time soon. that bastard. i hope its worth it though...im making a conscious effort to have a good time. i was looking at other people's pictures from R&R and it seems like everyone had a blast except for me. i dont know why i was such a party pooper. i think its because i really wanted to hang out with randy but then i realized i wasnt cool enough for all his friends. but at least i can say i was there...

our station is doing some boycott campaign. i wonder how its going to turn out...

for some reason im getting cross eyed while typing this so ill stop...

2004-08-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

hellooooooo

its the 2nd day of school. waaaay too crowded and not enough fun.
today was hectic at work. i wish people would prepare themselves instead of having everyone else do everything for them.

um...

i just ate a pizza. that was a lot of food. now i feel really full...gross huh?
and yes it was extra greasy.

i havent squared away my schedule yet. one more class to add on wednesday and a section switch today.

patrick keeps bothering me. i dont find him attractive, his voice is annoying and he CREEPS me out. im serious.
i dont know how to tell him nicely to BEAT IT
but i think i may have to.
its gross because he winks at me and thinks thats cute but really it just makes the bile rise. i mean seriously....

i sound like a total ditz today. its from working @ the desk.
on friday i get to do phlagleblast stuff. WOOOOOOOOOOO :)

hah

ok peace
sooz

2004-08-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

its not true...i havent abandoned my blog!!!

okay so maybe its been 2 months...
its been one helluva summer. lets see...all the things ive done..uhm...
went to san diego/temecula for graham's wedding.
BIG MISTAKE
went to houston for a show @ the CAMH and also the MFAH
EXCELLENT
im waaay excited to get going on my projects. but theres always that laziness factor.
blak yukon (vic) is a coo' grown up dood. i take my hat off to him *takes off hat*
but i did miss home though...
fall semester starts on monday. while i cant wait...a part of me wishes for more lazy days of summer.

susie

2004-06-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

as i write ths i dont know whats worse. my headache or the pain in my neck and shoulders.
for those who dont know i crashed my car on friday. leavin school (financial aid office to be exact) and goin home.

i cant say much about it without tearing up, so i wont.
im not looking for pity. just some relief from pain.
thanks to all the well wishers.
ill be back soon. i promise.

its really hard to type. my hands hurt

peace
ladee

2004-05-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

i didnt forget about you, blog. i didnt! i didnt!
i read some blurb in the nytimes about how most people abandon their blogs and very few take them seriously.
i think im aiming for a happy medium.
i was reviewing my financial aid award letter. not good. not good.
:(

it looks like loans loans loans. thats all that is out there!
im going to have to think of something quick.
maybe its a good thing that i conned into buying a house. hopefully i will have money after its sold?
but then ill be guilt tripped into living at that house.
i still havent seen it.

if im going to do this loan thing i gotta grow some balls and actually do it. this means i have to go all the way.
30 units sounds like a lot.
especially with elaine's classes. theyre a freakin nightmare.
and i have a class conflict next semester so i cant enroll in 2 chinese courses and then drop one. ill just have to take my chances with chinese 2a. i swear if im the dumbest person in that class im going to have to go home and shave my skin off.

ok that sounded harsh.

so hes either at work or at home working on music. i dont know if i want to bother him.
i always feel bad. like im that guy.

i dont want to be that guy. i want to be important but i dont want to be that guy.

so yall gotta help me figure out what to do for my bday. i guess ill go to celestins with a big group and then maybe go one-on-one with him. not like he deserves it or anything....
:(

help help!
send money and send ideas!
and send courage! that is if homeland security doesnt intercept the package.

peace
ladee

2004-05-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

late late...so late
i should go to bed...
for some reason my apt has been attacked by bugs. talk about eww. its really annoying....
i cant think of anything good to say...
well im sure ill start talking about him again. by avoiding me its only making me feel worse.
i have no idea what to do. really. im lost.

peace
ladee

2004-05-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

its 11am...you know the rest.
its commencement today...making me think of where i was this time last year...
its funny how i always need these markers to determine where i am. in a way its sort of...tragic.
but what isnt?
im so tired but i dont feel like ive done much.
i dont know why he didnt call....

peace
ladee

2004-05-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

i miss him
i love him so much
it shouldnt even be called love.
its something higher than that.
but everything is so tragic...so tragic.

im so sad.

2004-05-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

so im killing time once again. i should be going over my flash cards...ill probably end up doing that tonight and all day tomorrow. im tellin ya im getting sick of memorizing all these facts. its a good thing im semi good at it. well let me not get ahead of myself here.
so today i was at the book store at the plaza and this old man kept looking at me. maybe he was just looking at the traffic walking through the door...but it really made me uncomfortable. i wonder how many other people he stares at.
eric called me really drunk last night. why does he always do this? i mean we're friends but really....come on now.
oh and theres this total tool who was in my asian art history class. he dresses like hes from the matrix or something. he'll walk around with sunglasses that wrap around, a wife beater, and some slacks and pointed shiney shoes. whats up with that? i bet he thinks hes really cool. hes got a chicken chest. its really quite funny.

anyway enough talking shit.

peace
ladee
ps we talked yesterday. i wanted to be upset. i think im going to tell him that. that im still very upset.
i dont know what thatll do. maybe evoke some sympathy. at least i know he cares somewhat?

2004-05-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

ah....
so i broke the code of silence. dont know why i did that. it didnt change anything. i got the exact reaction i thought i would. its not like i expect him to spring up and say "why yes, of course i can!" i need to seriously get real.
in other news, i got a B on my yoshitomo nara paper. i thought it was a good paper! i hope i can still get an A in this class.
my next final is on thursday. wish me luck. i think everyone in the class hates me. i just hope i dont do horrible on the question i suggested for the class. thats always the case...over confidence.
ah....
ok must go.

peace
ladee

2004-05-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

Still Silent.
i dont know what to say.

.....
peace
ladee

2004-04-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

heartbreak

2004-04-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

we're back in business!
the laptop is up and running...im happy.
but i still get these annoying things that pop up telling me to update this and update that. im not sure how to get rid of those!! arrrghhh

it is way too hot in my apartment right now. it was 98 degrees yesterday! how can this be?! this isnt SUMMER!
so it looks like ill be escaping somewhere quite soon. maybe ill stop by infusion for some drinks and then head on out to school. i should be using this time to do homework....eh

peace
ladee

2004-04-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

ahhhhh!!

ive been terrible about updating.
but now i am of the mobile-computer community (translation: i finally got my laptop)
but im still using the computers in the lab to post! i think its because the keyboard scares me on the laptop. ack.

someones watching an annoying anime movie and the sound is making me want to go smash their heads in.
okay that was violent.

so ive got a ton of things to say.
1) i think i ruined the relationship between my sister and my mom. nate says i shouldnt be the "whipping boy" but i cant help what i feel.
2)i received a phone call before he left, which left me very very very happy. i have yet to tell him how happy that little incident made me...and i got another one along the way. imagine that! its good to know that im being thought of. heehee. so selfish, i know.
3)i almost did the thing-thing with someone from the station. its a good thing he ruined the moment because now i really see what kind of ass he is. hes doing that whole "ima pretend i didnt want it" thing. whatever. he can protect his fragile male ego if its that fucking important. argh.
men...so annoying. so annoying.
and now im glad i DIDNT do the thing-thing because this is obviously how he acts. whatever.
4)its really really hot today. i think it was upper 90's. im in for a long, hot summer. wish me luck.

peace
ladee

2004-04-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

the computer saga continues.
the damn thing is STILL broken!
ugh. life can never ever be easy.

but the good news? maybe? is that i might be getting a brand new computer. well i decided to get a laptop, mostly for the "cool" factor. i just hope it all works out and that i dont anger my mom in the process.

im still trying to decide if i want to stay here for my MA or not...it seems like the easier way to go...maybe?
im so indecisive. but i do need to make this decision soon.

im still very worried...i havent called...i figure i should just give up trying...right? i just want him to be happy...thats all. it sounds simpler than it actually is.

ill update later.
still havent done that noguchi paper....

peace
ladee

2004-04-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

so im worried worried worried worried worried!!! ahhhh!
sometimes i wish words werent so powerful. if they were just meaningless consonants and vowels strewn together then maybe i wouldnt search for ways to soften the blow.
i keep having this nightmare that one day...hes definitely going to say goodbye. something along the lines of: this is killing me, and its killing you...so lets just stop the killing.
hah that was silly.
but im all seriousness. if this happens ill need to know the reason why. because ive made a promise to myself from the very beginning that if this affects the little ones then ill be the first to bolt. the thing is, i always knew that it would indirectly affect them...but i trusted in his ability to balance things out. he seemed capable of spinning the plates that he does...whats really killing me is that im contributing to it. i dont want to be one more stress...or one more issue he has to deal with. my goal is to make him happy right? and how happy is he....really? have i been helping?
i remember crying to nathan over cake battered flavored cake that im in love and i shouldnt be doing this to myself. but like nathan said....i dont deserve it. and i shouldnt put up with it. but i do. because im foolish and i do things...for love.
im very worried about his state of mind right now...he goes through these periods of disappearance...not that im attached at the hip or anything...its more like a sense. something im feeling inside. hes missing somewhere...somehow.
im not trying to save him. i just hope the people around him understand. artists are difficult...theyre expected to save the world or be these perfect beings but instead theyre NOT perfect. theyre human. theyre far from perfect. they just try very hard to be who they are without hurting anyone in the process. its this conscious effor that sets them apart.
i just hope he wont stay misunderstood for long...

peace
ladee
im seriously slacking on my isamu noguchi paper!

2004-04-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

im trying the best i can at this update thing. ill try not to post anything embarassing.
i just have to share the fact that im PMSing major right now. i hope im not getting ahead of myself by saying this...but at this point ill take the actual menstruation over PMS right now.
okay ill stop. that was not very good reading.

so now for some good reading...
im not very good at this self control thing. i always end up hurting myself or feeling abandoned...i know the outcome but that doesnt stop me...
im just digging a hole for myself i guess.

ive got this exam tomorrow and i havent been studying too hard for it. i feel guilty for not studying because i really should do well on it...except the people in my class sabotaged the exam. now its going to be a LONG exam with more information to put down. i guess i just like to dig my own hole.

ah adam just stopped by the info desk. hes psyched about de la soul. i told him zac can come but only if he promises to not bring a girl. id get jealous. hah im so shallow. you think id be over it by now, but im not...i wonder if ill ever be.

im totally blanking out right now so ill be back with more. until later....

peace
ladee

2004-04-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

hey yall

sorry for the lack of updates. my computer is BROKEN...its in the computer hospital right now.
and ive been out of town for the past few days. i already feel behind!
ill give a quickie update on my mini sort-of vacation

monday- leave for ontario airport. the flight was crowded and noisy. of course its southwest so i keep repeating to myself "bargain, bargain, bargain..." i open my bag of peanuts and it spills. i manage to snatch a few remaining peanuts in the bag and happily shove them in my mouth. mmmm...sugar peanuts. i get to the rent-a-car place fairly smoothly, despite the dusty wind blowing in my face. the car they gave me was way rad...nissan sentra. totally new..i was psyched. it was kind of difficult to drive though. i drive to temecula and well...graham's house is a MESS! and desi looked happy but i sort of had the feeling that she wasnt? we hang out for a bit, running errands and what not. that night we drive out to santa monica to see ratpackslim's poetry venue. that place was wild! i think i scared desiree when i started screaming BAY AREA! ricka was there too. i hope she thought it was worth it. we then drive back and i crash out appropriately.

tuesday-i wake up late but we make it out to the japanese american national museum in little tokyo in LA. LA is ugly ugly ugly. im glad i saw noguchi's ceramics in person. theyre extremely delicate, and the reproductions in the text was a little misleading. but i had a good time. maybe i should have taken notes! we all hang out in little tokyo for awhile. then we go tot he garment district and walk through these alleys of bootlegged designer goods and DVDs. it was very crowded but sorta cool. i wanted to scream FBI but i might have been pummled to death by fake louis vuitton purses and dick lighters. yes, i said dick lighters. its something you have to see in person. we drive out to orange county to eat at this place that desiree really likes. it was good, but its just like the barbeque meat places ive been to in the past, except more expensive! the food was yummy though. i took awhile in the bathroom and when i got back to the table they already left to go to the car....um, whatever. so we go to graham's mom's house and chill for a bit. then we went back to the apartment and i fell asleep.

wednesday- i wake up and shower...blahblah....all that...blahblah...graham had to go to work at noon so we didnt really hang out much. it makes me think i shouldve left wednesday morning to save some money but whatever. i wish he wouldve told me. so i drive around a lot and spend some money. ack! i take my rental car back early to avoid being charged an extra day. i spend 2 hours at the airport waiting...the flight back was better. the plane was newer and it wasnt as crowded. some guy at the shuttle stop really pissed me off so that sorta soured my mood. i couldnt find my car for a minute and i panicked big time. but i eventually found it and paid 30 bucks for parking. ugh. i got home, called nathan.....made other phone calls....you know how this ends.

so here i am, back at work...slowly but surely. its gonna be a long day i can feel it already. ive still got a lot of studying to do!! ahh!!!

wish me luck-
ladee

2004-04-03T14:41:00.000-08:00

ah yes its a brand new day...
im washing lots of dirty, nasty clothes at my mom's house right now. its not very exciting. so far ive been pretty good at updating this blog thing. i signed up for another sort of weblog thingy, but lets see if i can figure out how to use it! i emailed the guys at blogger about a question but they havent emailed me back yet :(
it must be because im __(fill in the blank)
okay so im kidding about that

im feeling a tinge of hateration brewing in my stomach right now...
i have this idea that im in constant competition with other females. it really shouldnt be that way, but it is. the funny thing is, i dont even know what im competing for!

ah to be me...
dont be like me! be like somebody else!

-ladee

2004-04-02T17:35:00.000-08:00

so ive got a ton of things on my mind...
the first thing is about this damn library book.
i borrowed this book from sac's downtown library and accidentally put it in the book drop at my school. big mistake. now this damn book is floating around somewhere. argh...
and of course the book is overdue. OF COURSE.

so the second thing is that i have to work tonight until 11:30pm. why i decided to take this shift is beyond me. but at least ill be making money. it is rio linda's prom night tonight so wish me luck. if i emerge with bullet holes please notify the proper authorities.

the third thing is of course im thinking about randy. i still havent told him exactly whats on my mind. hopefully i will get the courage to do so. if not, eh...
but it still kills me though. it really does.
anyway...

adios for now. and of course there will be updates soon. ill probably be extra bored tonight at the desk.
-ladee

2004-04-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

ah yes, welcome to the newest way of communication between me and YOU...the birth of ladeedef.blogspot! this will be a spin off of my now abandoned moodyelements.
the concept is still the same, and ill still use the moodyelements name. keep checking back...i will post more when i figure out how to do so!
peace-ladee